How Can I Get My Husband/Partner To Understand Emotional Labor And Carry Some Of The Burden?
If men are more competent, assertive and higher achieving than women in the workplace, than they can be at home, too. There is no reason why your partner can’t help out with taking care of life. He is literally your life partner. It is most important to help your spouse understand what emotional labor is and how it is affecting you. There are several things we can do to help show our partners what emotional labor is, and how they can shoulder some of it with us.
1. Talk To Them About It
Tell them how you’ve been feeling. Enlist the help of a trusted counselor if necessary, but your partner can’t read your mind— you’re going to have to talk about it. Some of it may come as a surprise to your partner, especially if you’ve been doing something for so long. You may hear, “I thought you liked to cook?” You may love to cook, but that doesn’t mean you want to take on all meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking too! Discuss everything, get everything out, and work together to decide how they are going to help you. Even just getting it off your chest will help you feel a lot better, and can go a long way in preventing resentment and contempt. Contempt is after all one of the four predictors of divorce and breakups.
2. Give Your Partner Credit
Realize that your partner may be doing more than you originally thought. They might do all of the yard work, make the bed every morning or always remember to feed the fur babies. Offer to pick up some of the things that they do in exchange for them doing some of the things you don’t always like having to do. Maybe you can take care of making the bed, if they’ll start buying groceries. Sure, you may only buy groceries once a week, but it feels like a bigger chore than just making the bed every morning.
3. Make a List of all you do
Make a list. Show your partner every single thing on your agenda for the week. Let him see how much is truly on your plate. Ask him which he is going to take over from now on. Then, let him do it. You have to be sure to let him do it how he wants though, no nitpicking, complaining or uttering the dreaded, “I’ll just do it myself!”
4. Give Yourself a Break and Just Stop
If all else fails, just stop doing it. Do what you want, what you can get to without stressing too much, and only what benefits you. Letting his mom go without a card on Mother’s Day will be sad, but when was the last time he remembered your mom’s card? Hopefully, it won’t take long before your spouse realizes that you simply have too much on your plate, and he will rise to the challenge and work become an equal partner.